I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
