Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
