brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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