This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
