waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
