you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
