They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
