when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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