four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
