We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
