so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
