you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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