Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
