i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We left the knife in your bed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
