I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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