You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
