so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
