'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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