East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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