I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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