I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
