A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my phone needs a breathalizer
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
