i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
