When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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