The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
