margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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