i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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