do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
