I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My vagina is officially offended.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
