Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
