there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
