remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
