Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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