I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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