i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
