last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
