i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize