Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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