If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
