look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
