Apparently you make a good broom.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
