well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize