Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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