he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
