I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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