guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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