I'm really into asian looking animals
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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