Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
