Betty ford says i'm here all night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i need some magic done to my vagina
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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