I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize