who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
