Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
