If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
