Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
