Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
