Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
