Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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