Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
