Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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