Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
