hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
