I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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