So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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