I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
