That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
