So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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