I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
