ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
