The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize