made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
