I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
