Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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