I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
