Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
