I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
