a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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