They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
