I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
