He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
