New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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