Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
