After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
