its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
