on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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