I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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