Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
