I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
