There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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