unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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