I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
