were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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