I skipped work to stalk him.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
