his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
