So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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