There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
