dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
tell me about the eggs
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
