How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i came on her dog
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
