Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
