wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
