Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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