Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
