my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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