so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
