"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
