His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
