OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
