I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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