the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
